WHOA YA’LL.

I can do a headstand. I can! I use the wall, but I move away from it, and I can DO HEADSTANDS!! I have been doing them like crazy since I realized - HEY! You can do this!

Proof:

Yeah, that’s me, in a headstand - with a relaxed face! Niiice.

Now I am working on doing them without the assistance of the wall. Which is totally possible. Most of this is actually mental. I am strong enough to do it. I am STRONG enough to do it! (Cue the jumping and smiling and bouncing!!)

We talked about “it takes effort to achieve effortlessness” in class today. And I reflected about something our teacher shared with us weeks ago. She talked about the fact that when we practice poses, we are working towards our most efficient way to do the pose. So, that doesn’t mean I’m struggling in handstand in the middle of the floor. It means, I am efficiently using the wall to help steady me, strengthening my back, arms, legs, and core, but I am not tense. Efficient = DOING the pose with the LEAST amount of work.

This is something I would like to start incorporating in my life more and more. LIVING life with the least amount of work/suffering/effort. You’ve got to exert some energy in any pose, and in any stage of life, but can you (figure out how to) do it efficiently?

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Roma-rom-ma-ma!

So Lady Gaga’s song, Bad Romance, is hilarious to me. Probably because of the yelling and stomping. And the fun repeats. Today on the way home from work the song played on the radio, and after it ended I kept singing the Rah-Rah-Ah-Ah-Ah and then transitioned into a sanskrit chant.

WHOA!

The chant I sang was one we learned this weekend. Here it is:

Asato Ma Sad Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Joytir Gamaya
Mrityor Ma Amritam Gamaya
Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi

It means:

Lead me from the unreal to the real
Lead me from darkness to light
Lead me from mortality to immortality
Om peace peace peace

We learned it on Saturday, and then on Sunday my friend Abigail and I both had it in our heads all during class. It was so wonderful to have it going through my head as the backdrop to class. And at certain points I’d hear Abigail humming it softly and it grounded me in that moment.

We talked about why people have mantras or chants, how they are used to literally protect the mind. The more you repeat it the more your mind strengthens. I think this mantra is incredibly powerful for me. “Lead me from the unreal to the real.” I understand this as - lead me from my assumptions to what is actually known; from my worries to the present situation; from what I hope is not true to what I know is true. Today at work I felt more calm, and when I think of the work I have to do tomorrow in preparation for rehab, I am less anxious, less irritated, and more accepting of what I am going to do.

I also think that repetition of negative, degrading, or hurtful statements affect the mind - almost like a mold growing around it. I remember one time my Dad pulled out an apple that had mold on one side, and he just cut the mold off and ate the rest of the apple. The whole apple wasn’t affected, but he had to get through the mold to reach the good part. If all we do is hear negative things about ourselves, that mold develops. If all we do is consistently think negative things about ourselves, it grows faster. “I can’t” “I am not” “I don’t know”

I did an activity with my kids last week where we talked about babies developing, and how when a child is born they have certain attributes - cute, messy, noisy, fun, helpless, adorable, innocent. But as a child grows older they experience attacks. They can be verbal, physical, mental, etc. (”You’re a mistake” “You’re just like your whore of a mother” “Trailer trash” etc.) We brainstormed all the attacks. The kids listed a lot. I took them through different scenarios - what if the child is disabled? what if they’re not white? what if they’re poor? what if their parent is an addict? what if they’re really smart? what if they’ve got blonde hair and blue eyes? We drafted all the attacks and talked about the fact that when we experience these attacks, we put up shields around our heart to help us defend ourselves.

What I didn’t talk about, and what I’m now thinking about, is the fact that these messages have power because at some point, somewhere, we believe some part of them. This starts the mold growth. If we could just put up shields and the messages would bounce off, we would have no problem. But something affects our mind so that we don’t hear an attack and move on. We let it fester and grow. Some of us have very moldy minds. I am wondering what the effect of a mantra is not only to protect my mind, but to clean it up as well.

Maybe doing handstands AND mantras will shake that mold loose? Hahah!

RAH RAH AH AH AH!

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Yoga was fantastic this weekend. We had a weekend off, and I realized how much I missed it. We are focusing on shoulders now, and Nancy surprised us by saying, “We’ll be working on Ardo Mukha Vrksasana today.” Ardo Mukha Vrksasana is downward facing tree, or, handstand.

shudder

Handstand? NANCY COME ON. We haven’t even talked about downward dog and now you want to talk about handstand? Please. I have never done a handstand. Ever.

At my gynmastics class in Bellevue (Westside Club!) we used to have to do handstand into somersaults. I put this into my floor routine because I couldn’t do a handstand but I could throw my legs over my head and fall really well. I got critiqued multiple times to first hold the handstand before letting my body fall over. Never happened.

So, I’m 24. Let’s do a handstand.

And I kid you not, I did it. I did a handstand. We all did! Some people could get up more easily than others, but we all did a lot of prep. Feet on chairs, feet on walls, running and kicking up, assisted hand stand. Awesome. It was so much fun to cheer for people and let out a yell of WHOA I AM DOING THIS!

I am going to keep practicing, and when I can do an unassisted, baller handstand, I will post a picture. Cross my heart.

This is short, I have more to write, but will save it when I have more time. Lovelove.

Topics: Uncategorized | Give Your Two Cents »

There is a concept in yoga that I am feeling present in my life right now. Dynamic Resistance. Explained in yoga, it is when one muscle (or group of muscles) moves in a certain way, and an opposing muscle (or group) counteracts that movement. Dynamic resistance adds to the strength, stability, and deepening of a pose.

Take Uttitha Trikonasna (cheering because I knew how to spell that without looking it up!) which is Extended Triangle pose. The legs are spread apart, the back foot parallel to the back of the mat, the front foot pointing forward. Now, if I stand like this without any action, my front knee falls in and does not point over the front of my foot. That is not what I want in Triangle. I want my knee in line with my ankle in line with my foot. So what I do is rotate my thigh outward. However, if I kept rotating my thigh outward eventually my foot would roll to the outer edge and I’d fall over. So what I do is internally rotate my calf. This is dynamic resistance. Thigh rotating out, calf rotating in. Thus providing stability, length, and safety in this pose for my legs, knees, and hips. I also think it’s interesting that to notice the dynamic resistance, I have to look at my knee. It’s an indicator of what my muscles are doing. However, the knee itself isn’t doing anything. In class we also discovered that if a student gets the thigh in place, they more easily get the hips in place, and the upper body follows. Dynamic resistance.

No dynamic resistance - knee falls in

Dynamic Resistance - Knee points in line with foot

How does dynamic resistance play in my life? Do I get overwhelmingly disappointed or do I have dynamic response to that which keeps me focused? Do I become caught in the excitement of a future situation that I ignore the present? What indicators in my life let me know if dynamic resistance is present or not? Am I eating more or less? Do I grumble more throughout the day? Is my sleep tumultuous?

Today I did a lot of thinking about one particular situation in my life. I heard pros and cons about it. I thought and discussed and dissected the details of what already happened and what could happen. And then, nothing changed. I was not sad after all the reflection, I was not happier because of it. The situation remained. But because of the pull and the push I found my place again, noticed the knee pointing over the foot, and I grew stronger, more peaceful, and more stable.

Now, to start noticing the indicators…

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My friend called me that this week. “Yo-grrrrl” slurred together, sounds like he took “yoga” + “girl.”

It’s been a while since I wrote, which I apologize for. Mainly to myself, but to you as well. It was not that I wasn’t thinking of yoga everyday, but rather that I didn’t have time to sit and write. Excuses, excuses, I know.

Reflecting from a conversation I had this week.

Yoga brings awareness and power to my body and mind. Specifically, an ashtanga yoga class brings awareness and power to my body.

Why is this feeling of physical power appealing to me as a woman? (and other women, perhaps?)

I believe this is appealing because for me, as a woman, I have been told repeatedly that my body is not inherently powerful.

Exhibit A:
Periods. At a very young age, many girls experience their period. I do not remember any negative messages about periods from my mother. (She didn’t pull me aside and say - COREY ANN WE’RE CURSED!) However throughout adolescence I was flooded (heh!) with stories about friends who had really rough periods. Remember the one about the girl who tried to use a tampon but didn’t know how and it totally messed her up?! Or the one about the girl who was in so much pain she had to go to the emergency room?? Yeah, me too. Our bodies were doing this crazy thing EVERY MONTH that - umm helloooo - we totally didn’t ask for - or have time for. So, what the hell, body? Not cool. I do not like you. I do not know why you’re doing what you’re doing to me. And I definitely don’t know what my friends’ bodies are doing to them. This societal conception of periods laid the foundation for not understanding my body, not embracing the incredible power it has, and starting to feel the “inconvenience” it brought my life.

Exhibit B:
Provocation. There’s no really eloquent way to say this other than - people look at women’s bodies. A lot. Men look. A LOT. Women look. A LOT. People look whether we ask them to or not. One day before going to the rehab center I got dressed in a tight skirt and tight shirt. After looking in the mirror I immediately changed because I knew the patients (boys, girls, men, women) would comment. I put on loose pants and a loose white button down. The first thing I heard when I walked into group with the boys was, “Ms. Corey Ann did you lose weight? You’re so hot.”

There was a loss of power in that moment for me, because again the attention is my body - not me as a whole being. Furthermore, there is the assumption that women are there to be pleasing - especially for men. So, not only should my body be attractive, but I should want to be attractive to other people. I should want to provoke. And let me be clear about one thing - even if I “want to provoke” someone to engage with my body (looking, touching, etc.) I do not believe there is much “power” in that. Sharing a physical aspect of myself is not an act of power, rather it’s an act of giving.

Exhibit C:
Perfection. My body is not perfect. I do not look in the mirror and thing - YES! Perfect! I sit and I nitpick and I try on clothes that don’t fit like they should and I wonder, grrr body! WHY? You know what? I do not think I am the only woman who does this. Call me crazy, but I think quite a few other women feel this same way. In fact, I have never heard a woman say she thinks her body is perfect. Maybe that’s because no one actually thinks that, or maybe it’s because even if someone thought it, they wouldn’t want to say it - because, helloooo “no one’s perfect.” Either situation is less than ideal. Now what does the idea of perfection have to do with power? Frequently, for me, I believe a lot of power comes when something is executed with a high quality, or, level of perfection. So, on an average day, how can my body be powerful if it’s so unperfect in all these areas?

Add these exhibits up and you’ve got a woman who doesn’t know what a powerful body is. My body does things I can’t control that affect my life. My body is looked at and used regardless of my desire for it to be. And my body does not even look the way I want it to. The feeling of a powerful body is elusive. For me, and hopefully other women, yoga gives us a glimpse at what that actually means.

In yoga class, I am consistently guided to “observe” my body in different poses. Hold a position and feel what’s going on. Without judgement. Without criticism. Without worry. Observing the body. I wish I had done this with my period all of my adolescense. In yoga class, there is no provocation. No one is looking around to “check out” the other students. In fact, I don’t even notice anyone around me when I’m in class. When I practice at home, there is absolutely no sexual provocation factor whatsoever. But my body feels stronger and more itself than anytime I’ve ever wanted to “provoke.” In yoga class, there is no perfection. I was told early on that yoga is always a “practice” and that one day can be much different than the previous day. There is always a way to go deeper, to be more aware, to gain more strength, and to understand and embrace where the body has been and where it’s going.

Topics: Yoga Adventures | 1 Comment »

Today, after class ended I called Jessi to check in. We ended up talking about yoga for quite some time. How wonderful! She had a few questions that I wanted to post the answers to. If you all ever have questions - let me know and I’ll do my best to find out the answer!

Jessi and I talked about being open in the hips - Jessi is much more open than I. She asked - but Corey, I have a hard time doing just a seated forward bend. Why is that?

I realize that I answered this question completely wrong, on the phone with you love. I talked about your quads being tight -when in reality the focus is on your hamstrings. I should’ve asked you about your forward fold - can you stand up straight, then bend at the hips, and let your hands come to the ground? When you do this, can you touch the ground or your feet? Standing forward fold and seated forward bend work the hamstrings. So, what I’d suggest to lengthen them, is more folding and bending! When you’re doing the standing fold, try and put more weight into the balls of your feet. That’ll help lengthen a bit. When you’re seated, you can put a strap or any long piece of cloth (sheet? pillow case?) around your feet and use that as resistance to pull your body closer but still keep your back straight. You can do these stretches everyday!

 Jessi also told a story about going to a yoga class where her friend was corrected in front of everyone about how to do Cobra. Cobra with arms straight or cobra with bent arms, was the theme of the correction. Jessi and I talked about the fact that Cobra requires a lot of strength (as does downward facing dog) and that sometimes people cheat in Cobra by straightening their arms and letting their bodies sag.

Cobra, arms bent, belly lifted, shoulders down

Cobra, arms straight - everything is sagging!

 

Cobra, arms straight, stomach lifted, shoulders down and back

 
I think some teachers prefer students to build strength in cobra by keeping their arms bent and really feeling the sensations of keeping the stomach lifted, shoulders down, feet engaged. One thing we have a tendency to do as well is to lock the elbows (see the middle picture- how I locked my elbows?) and that’s not good for anyone! I’ve seen very experienced people do cobra with a slight bend in their elbow to keep it soft and active.

Cobra arms bent, stomach engaged, shoulders could be a bit more back

Cobra, arms straight, stomach sagging, could be pressuring the lower back, shoulders pinching the neck

Cobra, arms straight, stomach lifted, shoulders back and down, back is arching with the support of the stomach!

So, regardless of how you practice cobra - straight or bent arm - you want to firmly press your feet into the ground (don’t tighten your butt!) press your hands into the ground, let your head come up last, your back will round, lift your stomach and press your shoulder blades down and back, which allows your neck to be free and chest is lifted. Tah-dah!

And one last pose for Jessi! I started to talk about Virasana (Hero pose). This starts out as a stretching pose for most people and is meant to end up as a relaxing pose.

Hero!

Try it!

Knees together, feet apart, butt on the ground, shoulders above hips!

Topics: Uncategorized, Yoga Adventures | 4 Comments »

Tonight in yoga we talked with Zo, one of our teachers, about our breathing practice and meditation practice. Then we talked a bit more about the philosophy behind yoga. I quoted a passage in an earlier post about the belief in yoga that we are all already whole, perfect beings. I like this idea. I like the idea that there is nothing inherently missing in my make up. This idea directly conflicts with some religions, however, whose beliefs are that humans are lacking something that only a god can fulfill.

Anyway, in one of the main texts - the Yoga Sutra by Patanjali - he talks about many aspects to yoga. One aspect is self-realization. When a person begins the process of self-realization they will connect with and recognize Isvara. Isvara is the only sort of “lord” figure outlined in yoga, but in reality, Isvara is the soul that is untouched by desire, unlimited by time, it is the teacher of everyone. Isvara is in everyone.

Again, I like this idea. I like that when I am able to fully realize myself, I connect with my soul that is untouched by desire, temptation, deceit, laziness, guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment, pain. I connect with the place that teaches me who I am.

Then Zo explained that the sound Isvara makes is Om. (That link is to a recording of multiple people chanting over each other, but you can hear the sound.) She goes on to explain that “Om” is the sound of the universe, it is what created the world, and is all around us. It is a “godly” sound. And then we were going to chant.

Pause.

What?

I’m going to make a godly sound?

Right.

I’m going to make a sound that created the universe? That is all around us?

Doubtful.

I jotted down some notes in class. “Thoughts - Yes I can connect with the eternal teacher. How can I make the sound that created the world? A god sound?”

Then we chanted Om for a few minutes, and it felt good. Om always feels good, to be honest. The sound originates from the back of the throat, and moves forward until the lips vibrate.

We talked after chanting, and a few people were very positive and overwhelmingly happy. I let them speak, I listened, I didn’t jump in. Someone brought up the fact that most yoga classes don’t do this part of the practice. “Why are people so close minded?” became the theme of the conversation, which I am realizing I don’t enjoy.

So I volunteer my experience to the group, sharing what I just shared here. I told them that I think it’s interesting that for me, I easily can connect with something inside me, something in my soul - the eternal teacher. However, for me to make a sound that is godly or sacred, made me uncomfortable, I doubted myself, and I doubted the idea because it seemed so distant from anything I had previously thought. (and maybe this is why people get awkward about it?)

From there we talked a little bit about how religion, and I volunteered my experience in Catholicism and non-denominational Christianity, still made me feel as if God is at a distance. That no matter how intimate my relationship with the higher power was, I still was unworthy, still could not reproduce anything they ever did, and could certainly never make a sound like them.

One man, hinting at the connection between this Om and Christianity said, “In the Bible, doesn’t it say something like, ‘In the beginning, there was the word’?”

I replied, “Yes, but it doesn’t say what the word is!” And everyone laughed.

Another woman shared her experience of giving birth. She said that her midwife told her, “I’ll know when you’re ready because your sound will change.” She said she didn’t really know what that meant, but sure enough when she was giving birth her moans changed and began to sound like Om and then she had her baby. I am totally not doing this story justice, because she talked about that feeling of labor and breathing through it and instinctively, naturally making that sound which gave life. I was almost crying just listening to this account, being a witness to her experience.

A new woman to the group contributed her opinion, which makes a lot of sense to me. She said, “When I say ‘Om’ I am not creating the sound. I’m not making it. It exists without me doing these things, I am just joining it for a moment. I don’t create the powerful sound, I join the power for a moment.”

So, my mind is swirling and twirling. I am beginning to think deeper about myself and about my world. And I appreciate that. And I’m looking forward to exploring the possibility that I can join in with the sound that created the universe.

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Our homework for yoga class is to answer the question, what makes a good teacher? I spent the week thinking and reflecting, and here’s what I’ve come up with.

First let me preface this by saying I have had many amazing teachers in my life. I tried to think about why I consider them amazing, what they did well, and what I’d like to replicate. My mother, primarily, is an incredible teacher and has been my main teacher since I was a weee Corey Ann. Following, Geeta, Lynn, Gina, Professor Jensen, Professor Kahlor, Mr. Brady, Mr. Babb, Mr. Dowlen, and the list goes on.

What Makes a Good Teacher

1. Enthusiastic, positive, and creative energy.

2. Understanding the subject - both in practice and theory.

3. Investment in their student’s growth and development.

4. The ability to truly hear what the student is communicating.

5. Realization that the process is less about them and more about the student’s.

6. High standards of performance. Both for their own performance and the student’s.

7. Utilizing a tool, or tools, for self-evaluation.

8. Sense of humor.

9. That they truly enjoy their position as a teacher.

What do you think makes a good teacher?

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Full Wheel Urdhva Dhanurasana

Today I did Full Wheel in yoga class!! WHAT?! I have never done this pose before. I am always jealous of people who can come in and bam - whip out a back bend. Ginny came with me to yoga and easily popped into it. Gymanstics background and her pure awesomeness were the reasons for her ability.

But today, I did it!! I didn’t plan on doing it. In fact, I was 10 minutes late to the 90 minute class, so I didn’t set an intention or anything. Gina did a lot of prep for it - lots of shoulder opening and leg strengthening. And I felt so good throughout the class. And then, I did full wheel!! So exciting!!

This is something I am going to continue to work on. I realize some days I may be able to do it again, and others I won’t. That’s ok. I did it today. I did it today!!

It’s interesting, I am feeling like I’m having a rough week emotionally. Both of my jobs are causing me struggles. But when I think about it, I don’t actually think my week is difficult - I think I am just experiencing my emotions more. I am going to blame this / credit this to yoga. And my breathing practice. And my asana practice. Noticing emotions, noticing my body, noticing my environment more. Opening up my eyes.

Speaking of my eyes, man, they are places for pressure. On Monday, I could only do 6 minutes of breathing. Tuesday, I accomplished 10 minutes of laying down and breathing (an actual 8 of focusing on my breath, the last two I think I planned my dinner or outfit or something). Tonight, we’re going to try for 15. When I’m laying down breathing, I was instructed to focus on my nostrils - which is more open. Which lung is more open? Let your eyes relax in their sockets. Imagine ice cubes at the back of the eyeballs slowly melting. —Right there - that’s where I feel the most pressure. My eyes. Hmm. Keeping your mouth closed, swallow, and allow your tongue to fall back and away from the top of your mouth. Let your body be supported by the floor. And on and on and on. 15 min.

But! Today I did full wheel! Who knows how my breathing will go tonight!

Also, I promise to start taking pictures of myself in these positions and posting them.

Maybe one day I will be able to do this! And then stand up from it!

Topics: Uncategorized | Give Your Two Cents »

Tonight I had a rough group with the men at New Life Lodge. They were super talkative and rowdy at first when I reviewed - quickly - how to correctly put on and use a condom. So when we transitioned into stages of a relationship I was worried about people talking and not respecting me.

Ugh. All I am doing already is setting up my excuses and reasons for my actions. Basically, a man in a red shirt and a man in a white shirt kept talking in the front corner of the room. I asked them to be quiet. The man in the white shirt said that he was helping the man in the red shirt. Then I said, “Well that’s why I’m here.” And then I said something about how it was “his (white shirt) recovery” and he could let me worry about everyone else. And then the man in the white shirt got mad and crumpled up his worksheet and threw it on the floor. Then a completely different man raised his hand and said, “I’m sorry I’m just getting aggravated because he (red shirt) really needs help understanding stuff - and they’re always together, he’s (white shirt) always helping him out. So unless you’re really going to break it down to him (red shirt) individually, he’s not going to get it.” (Sorry for all the “he”s.) So then I turned to the man who needed help (red shirt) and asked him if he would like his friend (white shirt) to talk with him during the group about what was going on. And he said, “I reckon.” So then I said, “Ok thank you.” And made a few comments to the group about how it is important for me, to hear anyone speak up and speak for themselves. And then we moved on.

UGGGGGGH. I could feeeeeel the discomfort in the room for those interactions. By the end of group, the man in the white shirt came up to me and apologized for getting angry. And I apologized for not knowing and assuming they were not paying attention. I thanked him for speaking up and helping. And I thanked the other man for speaking up as well to help clarify the situation.

BUT STILL. SO MUCH UCK IN MY SYSTEM RIGHT NOW.

I want to crawl into a hole because I feel like I messed up as a facilitator. I came in with the assumption that the men were not paying attention and were goofing off. I did not accurately listen to the man who was being very correct and honest with his statement “I’m helping him.” I should have listened. I should have trusted a little more. UGH.

I am glad that we apologized to each other. I am glad that by the end of the group all parties involved were making eye contact, contributing to the conversation, and laughing. BUT STILL.

No, no more but stills. On the drive home (approx 30 min) I kept trying to lengthen my breath. “The breath is a barometer for the nervous system; as it becomes imbalanced, breathing changes as well, becoming shallow, tense, jerky, and marked by notable sighs and pauses. This in turn is registered by the mind, and an internal feedback loop is established. Changes in breathing create internal distress, which sustains poor breathing, which sustains distress…Thus stress takes on a life of its own; it exists apart from the stressor that originally triggered the reaction.” - Yoga, Mastering the Basics

So I’m breathing, lengthening my breath. And then I am reminded of something another counselor told me. He told me that when animals experience something traumatic - let’s say, a deer almost getting hit by a car, they physically shake out their body to let the traumatic experience leave it. So, that deer would dodge the car (or, let’s be honest, the car would dodge the frozen deer) and then shake furiously - releasing the traumatic event. This way the event does not get stored in the deer’s brain and replay and cause stress, triggers, etc forever and ever.

Humans, however, do not do this physical removal of traumatic events. A traumatic event happens, and it gets lodged in our brain and does not physically leave us. (This is why, it is not odd for me to talk with people who were sexually assaulted as a child and still drink/use drugs to numb the pain at age 35.)

Not that this experience was traumatic, but as I’m driving home, I’m trying to lengthen my breath. And I’m trying to visualize all the ick and uck leaving my body. GET OUT NASTY UGH FEELING. I’m letting it leave. I’m allowing it to move through me. Which results in me getting angry, justifying my actions, justifying his actions, getting sad, being confused, ignoring it, and finally, crying.

I also get home and do bridge pose. I do this because Gina says it is a chest opener (especially when you wiggle your shoulders and arms underneath your body) and Gina talks about the fact that whenever you open your chest you experience different emotions and release them. So, I do bridge, breathing, and trying to release.

I am feeling much better now. Probably because I did all of these things, and I wrote about it. I am getting it out. In many ways.

One thing that always comes to mind when something regrettable or unfortunate happens with me is, argg I wish I would’ve done this instead. When we were in the sweat lodge the leader said something that, while I do not know if I completely agree with, came to me. He said, “Let your regrets go. Forgive yourself. Do not think of what you should have done. You could not have done any different than you did. You are doing your best at every moment of your life.”

So when I thought about this, in relation to what happened in group, I developed a sense of calmness and certainty that, yes, this is true. I could not have done anything different tonight. And, probably, if you reversed time and let me do it again, I would not do anything different. I acted on all the principles and beliefs I had at the time. I did my best.

And then I got sad. I got really sad. I got sad that that was the best I could do.

For now, there’s a bit of sadness, a lot less ugh, and a big moment of learning. Because, while tonight I did my best and that was the result, tomorrow my best will be different. And so on and so on.

“At the heart of yoga is the message that every human being is, by nature, balanced and whole, and that this balanced inner self cannot be permanently destroyed or damaged. It is our inherent nature. Yoga is a method for increasing awareness of this inner self. In the process, each level of personality is given attention because when the body and mind are healthy and when personal conflicts have been resolved, the mind is freed for deeper concentration and reflection.” -Yoga, Mastering the Basics

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