Alo! It’s been a while, so here’s a quick catchup. Work at the rehab ended. Yoga training ended. (more on these in later posts) AshBlue continues. Yoga teaching develops.
Which leads me to the topic of this entry. Calculated risks: A chance of failure, the probability of which is estimated before some action is undertaken.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I got a cool opportunity to teach at a place called 3rd and Church Healthcare in downtown Nashville. My first day was this past Tuesday and I had a full class - 7 people! Hurrah! People liked it, and I liked the people. I’m renting the space and the owners are doing the marketing. Risk level = minimum. But whoa, 7 people! “If anyone else came I’d have to turn them away. I should offer more class times,” goes my brain.
So I offer 11:15, 12:15, and 1:15 classes on Thursday. Wednesday I am getting emails and realizing, slowly, that what I have effectively done is split the 7 people into two smaller classes. Thursday’s class attendance - 3 people at 11:15, 3 people at 12:15, 0 people at 1:15.
However, I developed a relationship with a woman attending these classes. She wants to pay me to come to her office and do yoga for her coworkers (they have a bigger space and about 20 people interested). She wants class twice a week and right before my class at 3rd and Church. Risk Level = LOW.
Starting up classes feels risky. What if no one comes? What if too many come? What if someone comes who has no left middle toe? What if someone comes who wants to do ashtanga in a class of beginners? What if what if what if? What if I do all this work and don’t break even? Ok I’ve got a class, but crap I need mats! Who has mats?? And blocks!! And straps?! Wait, wait, who’s paying for all this??
See? See how these risks are all over the place? Thank goodness I’m doing/teaching yoga so much to keep me calm! Otherwise I think I’d be a lot more nervous now. My dear friend sent me a card that said, “Leap and the net will appear” (a Zen saying) and that is definitely how I’m feeling right now. However, I’m calculating this leap and it looks like there’s at least a net underneath me, if not some incredible birds flying behind me about to pick me up and take me higher. (I’m hoping for the latter!)
But it got me thinking about the calculated risks we take everyday. You know, like telling our friends we love them (low risk), eating at restaurants (medium risk), driving! (high risk). But we do these things most days without calculating. We’ve already come to our decision that we’ve got to do it! And more than that, we WANT to drive to a restaurant to tell our friend how much we adore them. We WANT to take that risk.
In class on Wednesday with Gina, we were moving in and out of some tough poses. Tough not in the sense that they’re “difficult” but tough in that we’re having to balance and strengthen and stretch all at once. We took calculated risks - moving from standing splits to plank, or moving from crescent to warrior III. My body calculated the risk of me falling on my face, breaking a bone, hurting a muscle, and adapted to minimize that risk.
So I am working on keeping my mind as sharp as my body has become so it can adapt in situations and lower my risk.
Below is a video of me in Miami visiting Jessi. She took me trapezing - talk about calculated risks!! This was the capstone swing!
Ok so seriously, I wrote that first entry about being mindful while washing dishes at 5pm. At 9pm when I got home, I thought to myself, “I’m going to load these dishes in the washer before I make dinner.” And I did, without a second thought, made dinner, came back into the kitchen and was like WHOA.
COREY.
YOU DID NOT WASH THE DISHES TO WASH THE DISHES.
And hello, we just talked about this.
So then I tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (read: corey’s delish, cheap, fantastic lunch tomorrow) while being mindful. And no joke - it was REALLY DIFFICULT.
I started thinking about needing to buy more peanut butter, and the jokes my loving coworkers will say about pb&j, and the sound of the dishwasher, and even my mom’s migraine somehow made it into my thought process while making this sandwich.
BUT. At least I was mindful. I noticed that these thoughts were coming in, instead of them just coming in and me not noticing.
Like a guard in front of a castle who recognizes everyone’s face.
First step: acknowledging I missed washing the dishes.
Second step: attempting mindful sandwich making.
Third step: noticing my thoughts.
I am amused with myself before I even start typing this post.
My friends, Mark and Linda, cooked me dinner on Sunday night. It was supposed to be “The Last Supper” because my contract with New Life Lodge is up on Thursday and they are two of my favorite co-workers. They gave me a book called “The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation” by Thich Nhat Hanh. (I am so fortunate to have thoughtful, supportive friends!) Meditation is not my strength. In fact, sitting still is not my strength. Sleeping, however, is a strength of mine.
Anyway, I came here to write about what I’ve read so far- being mindful, being still, being present. And what do I do? I log in to my website, then go to Pandora to put on music in the background. Amusing, Corey.
The first part of this fantastic book is about being mindful in all parts of life. He talks about being mindful when you do the dishes. For those of you who do not know me, HELLO MY NAME IS COREY ANN AND I DO NOT LIKE DOING THE DISHES. If it were up to me I’d have disposable plates. And I have beautiful plates, too! They look stunning when they’re clean and are the best plates to eat off of. But ugggh are they annoying to wash.
“While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that’s precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a WONDROUS REALITY. I’m being completely myself, following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.”
Yes, that makes sense. Yes, that sounds wonderful. And yes, I agree - it is a wondrous reality that I can wash dishes. It is incredible that I can type on this computer. It is tremendous that I can process these thoughts. So why do I not recognize this all the time?
Here I am, a Pitta (FIREEE) and a Leo (LIONNN) living in the US (ROAR). My activity and lack of awareness has been validated my whole life. I can do the dishes, but I am doing them because I don’t want a dirty house, or someone is coming over, or I told myself I couldn’t go see a friend until they were clean. I plan and I act and I focus on the future.
“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way s if they were a nuisance, then we are not ‘washing the dishes to wash the dishes.’ What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes, the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. THus we are sucked away into the future - and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.”
Whoa.
Serious, whoa.
I am absolutely, positively that person who does one thing to get to the next, then while doing the next thing figures out what else needs to be done. At work I think about what I’m doing when I get home, while driving home I make a list of things to do, while executing that list, I think of what has to be done in the morning, and so on and so on. Once I took a trip to Austin that was packed with activities. Tours, wine country, restaurants, shows, and more. I had a good time, but realized that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I expected. I participated in the activities while thinking about the ones to come.
Ok, now I have spent too much time in the moment and need to go lead a group! More in bit!
So, the more I teach yoga the more I realize I need to figure out what determines a “good” class.
Back in the day (think: 2004-2007) I facilitated discussions on domestic violence, sexual assault, and power. I really, absolutely, truly enjoyed doing this. When I’m facilitating, I get to interact with the audience and receive immediate feedback from them.
Now, I lead groups at a rehab. And while there is some “facilitating” involved, a lot of it is straightforward teaching. In teaching there’s still feedback and interaction, though in a different form than facilitating.
When I teach a yoga class, there is not consistent interaction with the participants. Yes, I walk around, and yes I check in, and yes I look at their faces/body postures. But we’re not chatting, they’re not telling me what pose is good and where it’s working their body. Furthermore, with all this increased yoga in my life, I have learned things that I had no clue about before. So if you had asked me a year ago - Corey was that class a good progression for the major poses? Did you adequately stretch your adductors and open your hips before going into Warrior 1? I would have had NO idea. I could’ve told you - I feel great! or I feel sore! or Wow that was hard! but I couldn’t enunciate why. Also, I’ve walked out of numerous classes that I absolutely LOVED and said nothing to the teacher. I’ve walked out of classes I despised and said nothing to the teacher.
So, at the end of class when there are a few comments, I definitely value them, but they’re not the end all be all.
Which leads me to this conclusion:
My students’ reaction cannot be the sole indicating factor to determine if class was good or not.
This is a liberating feeling, to not “need” the class to validate my teaching. However, it does require me to work harder so that I am confident, pleased with, and satisfied by my teaching. I recently finished The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and she says a lot about independence and self-sufficiency. So here are a few quotes that help my understanding of my position.
“If you want my advice, Peter,” he said at last, “you’ve made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don’t you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?”
“Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn’t done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity.”
“But you see,” said Roark quietly, “I have, let’s say, sixty years to live. Most of that time will be spent working. I’ve chosen the work I want to do. If I find no joy in it, then I’m only condemning myself to sixty years of torture. And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me. But the best is a matter of standards–and I set my own standards. I inherit nothing. I stand at the end of no tradition. I may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one.”
Currently I am figuring out what I do to make a class great, how to keep doing that, and how to build on it. The thing about teaching yoga.
My dear friend, Asha, requested that I talk about the fantastic gluteus maximus and how it may impede yoga poses. When she mentioned this, I immediately recalled the feeling of having to scrunch my butt in certain poses. That darn behind!, I thought. Then I talked with women who have a larger than average rumps about any struggles they’ve had in yoga. Suprisingly, they have had NO issues, ever, because of the size of their butt.
However, three poses did pop into my head where having a large rear end makes an impact.
1. Setu Bandha Sarvangasana - Supported Bridge
I have done this pose so many times, and everytime the teacher suggests placing hands under hips I roll my eyes. Let’s take a look.
Enjoying myself in Bridge Pose (Unsupported, but shoulders are under my back)
Now here I am, attempting to bend my elbows and place my hands under my hips. BAM! There’s my rump, right in the way. See how sad I am about this? And I love my rump. Conundrum.
Ah-ha! For my body, to place my hands under my hips, I have to raise up to my tippy toes, increase the arch in my back, and THEN place my hands under my hips. Because there’s a piece of flesh in the way, it makes the transition a little less smooth. However, this really has more to do with my back bend abilities than my butt. If I could increase my backbend, I would attain a high enough arch to let my hands easily move to be under my hips. So, I modify, and keep working that back bend.
2. Eka Pada Rajakapotasana - King Pigeon
When Asha initially mentioned butt issues, the first pose that came to mind is King Pigeon. When I am in this pose, I have a tendency to feel a “pinching” or “scrunching” in what I consider my butt. This is where I am wrong. The pinching sensation does not come from the scrunching of the butt, but the shortening of the low back. This is a pose which I have to be careful to NOT shorten my low back just to get into.
First off - notice how high my left hip is off the ground. I have tight hips. Because of this I have a more difficult time lengthening my entire back in this pose. I feel a tightness in my lower back - and think it’s my big ol butt that’s restricting me. It’s not. Again, lengthening the back will alleviate scrunching there. Let’s have a look at how King Pigeon is supposed to be.
Notice how her hips are level and her back is LONG? No scrunching, no pain, free booty.
Also, this pinching in the low back may be the same sensation someone feels in full wheel or any back bend. Reminder - it’s not the butt, it’s the low back. And we don’t want to injure our low back, so don’t force it.
3. Dandasana - Staff Pose “Move the flesh away from your sit bones” is one of my favorite moments in a yoga class. Dandasana is basically sitting with your legs straight out in front of you. Easy, right? Ha! Gotcha!
Check out my awesome posture! Back rounds, feet fall to the side, pelvis tilts backward. And let’s be honest here, my rotund rear puts a nice cushion for my pelvis, so it leans back. Then my stomach and back don’t want to fight against my pelvis to sit straight up, so my back rounds. And my legs fall to the side because they’re relaxed. This is not Dandasana.
For me, the first thing I have to do to get into Dandasana is this sweet lil’ move right here. I love when teachers say, “Take a hand and move the flesh away from your sit bones.” Seriously, Asha, DO THIS! Move that flesh to the outside and plant your sit bones into the ground. Booty booty booty booty movin to the side.
HEY! I can feel my sit bones on the ground. Now I can activate my legs - push my thighs into the ground, flex my feet. My pelvis doesn’t want to tilt backward, and I can straighten my back! Dandasana!
So! In conclusion, “butt issues” may have more to do with the arch of the back, lengthening the lower back, and grounding sit bones - than the butt being “too big.” Butts work easily into yoga and can be very helpful in seated positions for support and love. Speaking of support and love, ASHA I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN NEW YORK. We will go to yoga classes there and rock our booties out. Thank you for all your support. Lovelove.
Yoga Teacher Training took a long break - we haven’t met since December 13. We will meet this upcoming weekend. Can we say, withdrawal?
Anyway, at the beginning of break our teacher, Zo, asked us to take a dosha quiz to determine what dosha we are and then reflect on that over the holidays.
What’s a dosha, you ask.
“Ayurveda is India’s 5,000 year old “Science of Life” and it is the art of living in harmony with nature. Your dosha is your Ayurveda mind and body type. There are three doshas in Ayurveda: Vatta, Pitta, Kapha. We each have all three of the doshas in our physiology, just in different proportions, so your dosha is unique and personal; it is like your fingerprint.” -www.whatsyourdosha.com
So, I recommend going to that website and taking the quiz. It’s pretty spot on. I am predominantly Pitta, then Vata, then Kapha. The brief descriptions are below, from www.ayurbalance.com. However you can find lots of information about how to handle stress, diet, sleep, emotions, etc based on your particular dosha.
Pitta:
People with more Pitta in their constitutions tend to be of medium proportions, with a frame that is neither petite nor heavy, warm skin that is very fair or ruddy and may be sensitive, and fine hair that tends towards premature graying or thinning. They are sharp and determined in thought, speech and action. There is an element of purpose to their step, an intensity to their voice. Ambition is usually their second name. They are moderate sleepers and gravitate towards cooler environments. Self-confidence and an entrepreneurial spirit are hallmarks of balanced Pitta.
Vata:
People with more Vata in their constitutions tend to be thin, with a slender frame and prominent joints, delicate skin that is naturally dry, and dry voluminous hair. They are quick and lively in thought, speech and action, and make friends easily. There is an element of airiness to their step, a quality of lightness in their laughter. Change is usually their second name. They are light sleepers and gravitate towards warm environments. Creativity and enthusiasm are hallmarks of balanced Vata.
Kapha:
People with more Kapha in their constitutions tend to be of larger proportions, with a robust frame and padded joints, thick smooth skin that may tend towards oiliness, and rich, wavy hair. They are stable and calm in thought, speech and action, and are easy-going and supportive in relationships. There is an element of steadiness to their step, a quality of serenity in their smile. Loyalty is usually their second name. They are long, heavy sleepers and uncomfortable in damp, clammy environments. Calm and sweetness of disposition are hallmarks of balanced Kapha.
In Gina’s class last week, we moved a lot. In and out of poses, during poses, in between poses, moving all over the place. One of the most interesting moves was in and out of these poses:
Start in Utkatasana (Chair), inhale stand up, raise one leg, exhale, bend down, cross the raised leg over the other, cross your arms and end up in Garudasana (Eagle). Hold. Inhale stand up, unwind the arms, lift the top leg off, place it next to the standing leg, exhale sit back in Utkatasana. Then repeat with the other leg on top.
We did this a few times, going in and out of these two poses. Neither of these poses are “easy” - Chair requires a lot of leg work and core strength, and Garudasana requires balance along with core strength.
As I moved in and out of these poses I noticed my standing leg wiggle. My foot turned in, my knee fell out, and I wasn’t stable. Adding movement challenged my foundation. I let the alignment of the pose leave my mind and focused on “getting” into the pose.
I realized that this experience is also happening throughout this holiday season. Busy 7 days out of the week added a lot of movement (acitivites, planning, excitment) to my life. And while I find joy there, I am struggling to keep my foundation stable and present. I look forward to the new year and things calming down. Movement in yoga, much like movement in life, allows me to understand my position better than before. It also encourages me to practice and enjoy grounding myself, so I can move without wiggles.
Our assignment for the week is to do 3 Urdhva Dhanurasnas every day. Let me remind you of this post, where I talked about doing full wheel for the first time ever. Turns out, I can do this pose. I CAN! I just never did. I never prepped for it but I have the strength to start doing this pose.
This picture features two of my favorite classmates - Anne in the black pants and Abigail in the grey pants. I’m in the middle in the blue pants. We’re getting ready to push up into full wheel!
So for our assignment, we can do more than three a day, but three is the minimum. On Monday I randomly went to the advanced yoga class at the Y where we started prepping and trying Peacock pose. Peacock looks like this:
That’s what it’s supposed to look like. Not what mine did.
Needless to say, my wrists were pretty tired. So when I got home, I only managed to do 2 of my required 3 poses. I couldn’t help but laugh when I read Nancy’s email the next morning…
“Did you do those three + poses? Don’t let them accumulate ~ six tomorrow if you missed today!
:-)”
So then Tuesday I did 4 (3 minimum + 1 rollover) and it was awesome!! Yesterday, I did 3 in yoga class. Today, I will hopefully do 3 in yoga class. Friday, I will do 3 when I wake up. Yahoo!
Now, I could definitely start praciticing more each day. In fact, last night I brought two of my yoga teachers to the yoga class at the Y for a new experience. Abigail then went into Eka Pada Urdhva Dhanurasna. Which looks like this:
This is all about lengthening hamstrings, finding balance, and strength. So, in a few weeks, this is my project. But for now, backbends and happiness.
Also, get excited about the upcoming topic: The Butt Post, dedicated to Asha.
I don’t know what to write about. I don’t know why. I haven’t been practicing my breathing. I haven’t been practicing my asanas (poses). I haven’t been thinking about yoga. But I want to. I have been very busy with work (rehab and boutique) and have let things with myself slip. My house is a mess. My car is ridiculous. It’s no surprise my yoga is also suffering.
The other day I researched ideas of yoga tattoos. I could’ve taken those 15 minutes and at least done some breathing exercises. Or done a few sun salutations.
Actually, I take it back. I did yoga with the girls, boys, and adults on Tuesday. That’s about 2.5 hours of leading yoga. And it went really well. But leading yoga and practicing yoga are two very different things.
One day in class Gina talked about getting in and out of poses. She stressed that we need to know how to get into a pose as well as how to get out of a pose. Just like in life we end up in places and we’ve got to really know how we got there, and how we left there. So, my yoga is slacking. I got here by making excuses, not managing my time, and letting other activities clog my practice. How will I get out? Well, writing this is a step. Maybe a few asanas after work before dinner with friends. Maybe breathing exercises before I go to bed. Maybe a 30 minute practice tomorrow before work. Maybe.
Now, for something fun. My yoga wishlist:
Blocks and Straps
Bolsters
Blankets
I used to think props were weird and unnecessary and you should JUST BE ABLE TO DO IT. Well, guess what? Props help. A lot. Headstand? Thank those blocks. Leg strength/stretch? Thank that strap. Shoulder stand? Thank that bolster and those blankets. There is not a limit on how much of this stuff I need. Personally I would be fine with 2 blocks, 1 strap, 1 bolster, and 2 blankets. Professionally I could use all of it. Especially at rehab. Because, and this may be a surprise to you all - but recovering addicts aren’t necessarily in the best physical condition.
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