Anxiety. It hit me today like a ton of bricks in yoga class with Gina at the Y.

I haven’t been practicing as much as I feel like I should be before I start training on Friday. Part of me wants to enjoy the time before the intensity. Part of me is lazy. And then there’s the part of me that’s guilty for not doing everything I feel like I should be doing.

Anyway, the last time I went to class was Friday with Gina, now it’s Wednesday and I’m back for the 90 min class with her (which I love). Before class starts I chat with a work out friend and I tell her about the training. She’s so positive - “That’s awesome! Man I wish I could do that! Way to go!” And then she says, “I’m not good enough to do that!”

Eeek. She just gave voice to my biggest fear.

I brush it off, we chat some more, class starts. Sure enough, this woman is kickin’ butt! I mean she’s got poses down that I’m not even close to. The one I noticed the most that she’s rocking is this pose:

while I’m barely getting all my weight into my hands!
(This pose is called Astavakrasana “Eight Angle Pose”)

And then, the anxiety strikes. Right in the middle of my Savasana (corpse pose) at the end of class, where the whole point is to be still and let your mind be empty and focus on your breath. Right there in the middle of my mind the anxiety strikes.

1. You are not good enough to be a yoga teacher.

2. You will embarrass yourself.

3. You will fall.

4. Everyone else will be better than you.

I lose track of my breathing, I’m making up scenarios in my head, I’m not paying any attention to my body, my mind is racing, and then I hear Gina, through my screaming thoughts walk by and say -

“We’ve got to work with what we’ve got. Don’t worry if it’s perfect. Release the pressure. We can only be right here, right now. We’ve got to work with what we’ve got.”

See why she’s the best? I felt as if she were placing her hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes, and saying - take a breath, you’re alright.

And after yoga, this kind amazing woman who is absolutely incredible at the positions and can always do the crazy poses comes up, and unprovoked, tells me my yoga is getting better.    !!!!

On the drive home, after a chat with Sandy, I contemplated my four areas of anxiety.

1. You are not good enough to be a yoga teacher.
That is yet to be determined. Have you been a yoga teacher? No. Have you tried to be a yoga teacher and failed? No. Are you a teacher of other things? Yes. Do you do well at those things? Yes. Did you fill out an application and screening process to get into the program? Yes. The program let you in, you have background in teaching/facilitating, and you’ve never tried before. You don’t know, so don’t worry.

2. You will embarrass yourself.
Most likely, yes. That is ok. You are a student again. And while most of your post-college life you spend being the expert or go to person, now you will be a student. You will not know everything, you will embarrass yourself and you will make mistakes. That is part of it. Enjoy it while you can!

3. You will fall.
Yes. Absolutely you will fall, Corey. Get over it. You won’t fall far. And you’ll get up and try it again. You are going to fall.

4. Everyone else will be better than you.
This is possible. You are not as strong as you’d like to be. That will change the more you practice. Do you believe me, Corey?? You will get stronger. Your arms will get stronger, and your core, your legs will get more firm, and your hips will open more and more. Your body can do so much already, give it a chance to grow, believe that this is possible. Also, you could be the worst kid in the class - which will be hard to handle - but will motivate you. And these are your peers, not your competitors. You can learn from them and your interactions just as you will from the teachers.

Anxiety and worry and all that crap, worked through and out and over. Thanks for reading.

P.S. Who’s excited for Friday?!?!

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